


Dark side of the moon

by Bekind



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Betrayal, Depression, Eating Disorders, Fights, Grammy Awards, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sad Harry, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:08:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29797911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bekind/pseuds/Bekind
Summary: Zayn never thought how fast a single phone call can connect him to his past.And to be honest he was scared, because Zayn doesn't know how to deal with it.He honestly doesn't know how to save Harry when he is barely floating above water himself . But he can't just leave him. He can't just leave Harry to drown again.So, he will try ,until he can't and maybe that's why he is here at Harry's place with a bag full of his stuff.Because even if he will have to leave later on, he will bring back Harry from the Dark side of the moon.
Relationships: Zayn Malik/Harry Styles
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Dark side of the moon

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of the story close to my heart so be kind with it. As a disclaimer this fic contains implied mental health issues. Hope everyone enjoy this story as much as I loved writing it. Please share your views because it keeps me motivated.
> 
> ## None of the characters in the story are owned by me. And the copyright of this story is reserved to me and all that. 
> 
> This chapter is kinda long to give you the feel of the story and i might post smaller chapters in the future. Its like a pilot episode.
> 
> So,Hope you guys enjoy this story. I am warning everyone though, its full of angst.So beware. -R ##

_**I know I have been crazy!** _

**March 23rd** , Its when everything went downhill. 2013 was lit as it started.

But soon the gush of new album and tour was snatched from him as he got the text from management. They never liked it but they had to control themselves. The next year march was even more dreadful - Sleepless night, worrisome days. But 2015, that's when all hell break loose. And he doesn't want to dwell on past, really he doesn't. But the guys seated in front of him don't let him put his glass down. And he being the people pleasure he is, couldn't disappoint them. Can he?

"I guess that's enough for tonight guys!!" he heard the familiar voice and it took him few seconds to realize it's Jeff, who somehow knew he was going to be pissed again. Him with all the strangers, in a posh club, with brew in hand – what are the odds?

"I think that's enough for today. Let's get you home real quick." The scruffy guy pulled him by arm while he tries to stand and walk by his own. He can. He really can, but he wishes the world would stop spinning till he reaches ho.... Home!! It's a strong word. The apartment in Greenwich isn't his home. It's just a house, with bricks and wooden floor and glass walls on one side and swings and all thing modern arts....but home? That isn't it. He hasn't been home from a long time. Cheshire is not that away if he wants to get there. But it is not home now. His mom is on travel, Gem is working in somewhere in France. Cheshire is not home anymore.

"What is it?"

Harry looked down at his baggy trousers and looked back up at his mate.

"hain?"

Jeff just dragged him into the car, his bodyguards opening the door for them. As if he can't. As if he is not strong enough. He tries to show them the same taking away his arm from Jeff but wobbles a little. On second thoughts...

"I was asking .. what's the hurry Jeffy?"

he smiled wide seeing the irritation leaving Jeff's face. Yeah ...... he knows what he is doing. He is a mean lil shit.

"for one.. we got to meet the producer of that show we talked about tomorrow in the morning, you can't be late and second I am not free like you H, I am slave of someone who'll kill me if I'm late on the date night. And you will side her for all I know. I got a wife who is waiting for me at home."

And ouch..It won't have hurt him that bad if he wasn't still thinking about Home and yeah Jeff didn't have to rub it on his face that he got no one waiting for him, or worrying for him cause he is unusually late and that's why his response came as a hoarse grunt and he sidled to one corner of the car. No small or big talk. No!! Jeff won't get any. Upon arrival at his 'Home' , he was escorted by guards and Jeff, who think he is still a kid. He teased Jeff about his master who slave him around and made Jeff leave even before he entered his apartment. Then he laughed way too hard at his expression because he can, because he got no one here or......anywhere to come back to. He's a free bird, just like his friends says. Is he though? Because he never asked for it. It's not a privilege for him.

"It is what it is!! Ch..mmer up mate!!" he ignored the clear echo of his voice reverberating in the house. Because no!! it is not home. And he is going to be not bothered by a silly thought so much.

So he did what he always does these days. He distracted himself, with alcohol because what's better than a shot and a pinch of pain mixed with it?

**2 months later** ,

The Oscar awards, New York.

"Harry!! Harry over here!!"

"give us this shot , just this one"

"harry , when are you releasing the next album?"

"do you think you will win? You got nominated in many categories."

He simpered, "Only time will tell, there are a lot of other great artists too."

"Harry!!"

"Harry one question? Harry !!"

"Harry!!"

Turning around, he internally groaned seeing the bunch of seagulls.

"Yes? Only this one though!!" The reporter's face lit up and harry felt good about it now. He made someone smile, these days he can't even make his people understand him and most of it is his mistake. So, he just nodded.

"This is the first time all of the boys are at same venue. Don't you think its amazing?"

He nodded with a tight smile, "it's great actually. I wish them good luck."

Acting like the good boy media try to paint him before.

"Oh!"

Before they could ask him anything more his team saved him and he was escorted inside the venue and what a relief it is. People calling out his name again and again made Harry almost hate his name. 'Almost' because he is narcissist and won't let his name be bitter to himself.

Looking around the venue he felt the pressure, the vague pressure of being nominated, and anticipation of the final verdict. But nevertheless he still meet up with important people. Shakes hand with moguls , passes smile to the industry gems and doing all the right things. He felt pair of eyes on him and turn to see the red head friend of his from past, Past because he doesn't recall any recent time when Ed and him have been out together. He just nod at the singer because he is doing the right thing.

"Why don't you go and join someone Harry?"

He turned to Jeff who seem to be around him more these days like he needed to check what harry is doing all times. Well it's his fault too , if he weren't so oppressed to behave like a twat Jeff would probably won't be here and looking at him like he is ready to fight.

He sighed.

"Mr. Azoff I am very happy by my own. Thank you very much."

Shifting a little on his seat at the table where few more names were also written. No one was here yet except a guy with white beard and boring suit. He heard Jeff groan and continue his lecture.

"Harry!! You can't just sit here, alienate yourself and wait for people to come to you alright? Your friends are here. Look."

He didn't need to look in the direction Jeff was pointing towards because he could hear Niall's blasting laugh. It somehow warms his heart and brings old memories he doesn't want to remember.

So, he rolled his eyes.

"yeah!!" giving Jeff a pointed look and so Jeff looked away shaking his head.

The event was marvelous. There were people he liked to talk with and reach out to. And throughout the night he ignored the sinking feeling because he can't let his heart dwell on past anymore. He had decided long time ago that he would rather have no heart than be dependent on someone else to be happy. No one, no one would ever just cross in his life and leave according to their convenience. But he knows people were looking for an event like this and fans were watching and praying out for this day. They would be looking for a snap of him and any of the boys, expecting them to announce reunion and end of the hiatus. 

He laughed at that because how can people not see? They are out of contracts from 1D already. It's just that the announcement will break millions of heart so they never announce the permanent break from the band. To be frank, Harry doesn't even want to talk of that period. Yes, It gave him all what he has now but somehow those years took away a lot of things which even Harry didn't realize he could lose and if given a chance, he would have stayed back in Cheshire , went to college , made new friends , been a good graduate student, lov.... He shook his head. Not dwelling in the past is NOT this Harry.

But as he was talking to the rock legends and some producer of some sort his traitor eyes scanned the hall one more time and he felt still. Because HE is here with a devilish smirk, same soft eyes and no attempt to be cool but still the coolest personality in the room. He felt the number of eyes that glide towards HIM. Just like all the time, everything seems like it gravitate towards one person, this only person and harry hates it because no!! He just can't let himself be that. So he side hugged Mitch and went for another drink. Because there is nothing a drink can't solve. Yeah?

By the time his nomination were going to be announced he was stiff. Why? because he saw them. And they saw him but it felt like nobody knows or want to know he is here. And yeah!! It hurts even though it so hypocritical of him to feel bad but it was destined to happen one day. By the amount of ignorance he had shown in past few years he was sure they don't want to do anything with him. But seeing them together laughing and ignoring his attempt to catch their eyes, he felt like what he did was right. Who would want to be with him after what he has done? He deserves it. And he is the proud bad man in this story. And he smirked because he can be whatever he wants to be and this time he wants to be devil.

The people started clapping and staring at him all of a sudden and Jeff hugged him. He doesn't know what the fuck happened but then he saw himself and their soundtrack, his song on the screen and looked around. Oh!! they won!! He won. His hand come around Jeff and for the first time he was here his smile was real. Indeed he wanted to go back and change his life but he knew one way or another he was going to be here. Maybe 5-6 years late but he would be here. So he trod to the stage, minding the stairs and his consistent habit of embarrassing himself. Fortunately, there was no accident.

He took the award from a possible newbie in Hollywood who smiled at him while congratulating him.

"Thank you darling!!"

he said with his cheeky smile and turned to the hauling crowd feeling overwhelmed all of a sudden because Oscar is a big thing mister, mind you.

"I just want to say that I'm totally overwhelmed by the support we have got so far. I have a long list of people to thank but I'll start by my fans. They are incredible." 

He paused by the certain whistling and screaming and chuckle before thanking the producer and director and all the team cast of the film "Dark side of the moon" he has given his songs for. They never expected that the movie and its soundtrack will both be nominated.

His eyes skim through the crowd and unfortunately landed on the pair of hazels he often shut out even in his dreams. So he paused and looked away immediately failing to ignore the frown other boy was giving him.

Somehow the ecstasy of being an Oscar winner didn't reach his heart. So, harry finished his speech and went back to his table and get flooded by pats and wishes. He didn't miss how the screen zooms out to the three boys sitting together and talking but then Liam turned and waved at the camera. He curse the cameramen because their awkwardness was so palpable. And that's how the happiness simmered down even more.

The next time it happened, Harry actually was attentive because he was purposefully ignoring the screen, people and meanwhile everyone else. Because the screen often shows three boys he once called brothers and then to the people he once felt were close to him. And he all of a sudden felt cold.

But maybe the universe wasn't conspiring against him because as he saw the list of nominees for best actor he was thinking of how he doesn't fit it even a bit. The others were highly paid Hollywood actors , Like how can he fit a list with actors like Chris Pratt? And he was ready to clap for the winner when his name was announced clear and loud and he blinked. Because what the hell? He knew he worked hard for the character and he made a strong impact on the audience somehow. That won't explain how did he excelled than the people listed beside him?

He was pushed by one of his co-actors. Hanna, his co-actress smiled and hugged him.

"You deserve it Harry!!"

And it felt odd how others saying it makes him believe in his own talent. He went up there again, hugged the lady giving him the award and simpered at the host.

"I didn't make any speech for this. So, you all will hear the same thank you note. Just pretend that it overwhelmed you."

The crowd giggled and he felt at ease for a while. Because entertaining a crowd is his specialty.

His habit of scanning through the crowd made him wince cause he caught him again, in blue jeans , black blazer with red patterns and looking like the coolest person in the world but then Harry has to look beside him and see the woman with her hand encircling HIS arm. Something in him snap, coldness seeping into his veins like some kind of virus and he just wants to go back to his seat. So he did just that. Said thank you all and briskly walk back to his seat and slumped down. His mind racing and flashing the one image he never asked to get. The one image telling him that no matter what he does or achieve, there are things he will never be for someone. And there are many people in this world disappointed at him at this point.

He texted his sister because he doesn't feel comfortable being the center of attraction for the first time. All the things he been feeling from last few days are getting multiplied all of a sudden. And the cold veins were making him jittery.

"Hello sister!!" he pressed send and look up at the current performance. Not even a minute later his phone chimed.

"Hello Harry!! How did your highness thought of me all of a sudden?"

For anybody it is just his sister teasing him and she is, but there is hidden disappointment behind these words because yeah he is selfish and he doesn't talk to his sister as much he used to. More than often he texted her and on rare occasion they call each other. He didn't realize when their dynamics changed but her reply didn't ease the void expanding in his chest. So,he texted back just like he usually does.

"Nothing, Just checking in. Take care. "

He didn't give her a chance to reply before he snapped his phone close and sighed looking around seeing ghost faces.

The third time he wasn't even ecstatic like he was for other two. It's good to get awarded for his talent. It's good to be seen as an icon. But right now he has so many images in his mind. Seeing people from his past seems like it have opened a cursed chest and he is haunted by its ghost. All the friends he made, all the feelings he lost and all the other things, he could have sworn few years ago, were the best of his life.

So he accepted the award for best original song, gave his speech and even though his eyes met the ones he was ignoring before he felt silent, from inside. And at this moment when he was on one of the highlights of his career, he realized they were just awards, and they can't fill anything in his life. n this stage with the awards on his name, and crowd looking at him, half bored, half ecstatic, and some few he knew very well at a time, Nonchalant. So this time he looked up, thanks all the people he needed to, did all the right things but couldn't manage to smile and walk down the stairs straight toward the back of the hall. His nominations were done and he can't deal with people looking strangely at him. No!! He is done with entertaining people for tonight.

But before he went away he had to, just like the fool he is, had to look back at the seat his mind seems to have revised. And he had to, final time look at the picture he could never , ever fit in. neither with the three lads in the sides , nor with a certain man with golden eyes, soft smile, smile that was for someone else. And before he could smash his heart more he turned back and walked out because honestly, he is too tired to be with people he doesn't know, charm them with his fake smile, and do the right things. because nothing had been more wrong with him before, because he is supposed to be a bad guy. He. Is. The bad guy.

## I will post next chapter according to the response i get for this one. Leave an honest response!! :) Ta ta##


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